My name is....

I went to my daughter's Author's Tea at her school yesterday. She did a great job reading the story she wrote. The other kids books were cute. Olivia came and sat on my lap after she read hers. Then everyone was done reading their books and the mingling started. Olivia abandoned me for a table of her friends after about five minutes. I looked at the clock and realized that the kids were getting out soon and the bus convoy would be starting in another 20 minutes and I didn't care to be stuck at the school in traffic. I offered to take Olivia home with me but being the social butterfly that she is (she is the odd man out in this family) decided to take the bus home.



I couldn't wait to get out of there. Am I the only one that always feels like they could be doing something better when they are in these kind of shallow social situations? I know that most parents feel like schmoozing with the teacher will get their kids some kind of special attention in class and they are probably right. I don't believe in kissing people's butts and acting fake to get things. If I like you than I like you for you not for what you can do for me. I think that because I don't have a fancy house, cool stuff or something else to offer people other than my winning personality that is why they generally don't gravitate towards me. Am I off with my perception of most people being users? I feel like most people are always carefully orchestrating what they say and how they act with other people to get what they want out of the relationship or interaction.



Sometimes I wonder if what is considered a lack of social skills is actually a keen perception of people being fake. I get "vibes" about people all the time. But on the flip side I don't always know when someone is trying to take advantage of me. Because I always have a hard time "reading" people I generally approach most people with distrust. Most people annoy or disgust me. Most of the time I look at people's behavior like a kid watches bugs in a jar. Fascinated yet disgusted and somewhat terrified at the thought of actual contact. People confuse, terrify and fascinate me. I really like how some people are on the surface but somehow always feel like they are not who they appear to be. Ugh.



I also have a hard time concealing my true feelings. I have a compulsion and natural need to be honest and "real". I'm always me. What you see is what you get. I don't have 2 faces. It seems to me most people have more than 2 faces. One face for work, one for their spouse, one for their friends, etc. I find most interactions with people upsetting. I always feel like I am dealing with some "version" of someone. There is a reason women say they are putting on their face when they apply makeup. Not a fan of make up. I digress. It would be great if everyone walked around with those "My name is..." tags that said who they really are and what they are really up to.

Are any of you as confused, frustrated yet fascinated with people as I am?

I understand why my son fixates or obsesses on books, music and movies. They are consistent. They are always the same. They don't have ulterior motives. They aren't confusing. I guess that is one of the reasons why I enjoy my many hobbies. Being alone is so much easier and enjoyable for me. Unless someone else shares my interest in something. Than talking with that person is exciting to me and not stressful.

Wow, I feel like I just rambled on. If any of this made sense to anyone or they would like to give me their take on these things, please leave a comment.

Also, they had a table with food that I did not partake in because of everyone touching the food. One teenage girl (sister of student?) stood there eating right out of the bowl!! Yuck!!